They say there are years that ask questions and years that answer. As I sit curled up on my sofa, sipping tea and doing some soul searching, I realize that this was a year of answers for me.
It doesn’t matter if those answers were bitter pills to swallow, or that those answers led to more questions. What matters is that the answers were there, if I had the courage to face them.
However, it’s important to acknowledge that some of these answers have come after years of asking questions and failing. Failing at either asking the right questions with no bias and blind spots, or accepting answers that didn’t suit me or weren’t what I was hoping for. I can do a series of article on what it took to ask the right questions, but that’s for another day.
Here’s the thing – Life is unpredictable. Period. And there are so many answers in this one acceptance. You can plan all you like but life will be one step ahead of you.
Just when my parents had moved into our new house and set one room quickly, so that my grandparents could come visit before it got too cold to travel, I lost my grandfather. A week before we were to meet him. Just when we had rented and bought furniture for my apartment, my flat mate suddenly decided that she wants to move back home, for personal reasons. I spent months only doing multiple P&Cs of best financial situation to deal with it. After many years of wanting to go on a trip with strangers, I had finally booked tickets and rearranged multiple leaves in a peak work season to make this happen. Just 2 days before the trip, Hon’ble PM’s visit to Lakshadweep meant all permits were canceled. Just when I had taken an appointment to get my passport renewed, I got called for an international work trip for a project I had single handedly worked on. I had to skip it.
There are so many such instances this year , some big some small that it really made me think. Possible it has always been the case, but this is the first time I’ve let answers come to me, rather than desperately seeking them.
Now when I plan, I keep a 20% buffer for life to surprise me. The acceptance that there is only so much you can do to control life, brings a lot of peace. It makes you empowered and humble at the same time. It makes you surrender and be in control of your life at the same , because there is no other truth in life.
Which brings me to my next important learning from this year – Gratitude
Since I couldn’t take the Lakshadweep trip, my team mate could go on a leave to plan her impromptu engagement planned for 2 weeks later. And since it was too rainy to hit a beach by the time I planned a trip again, I went to Spiti with strangers. I hate altitudes and treks and this would never have been my first choice. But anyone who goes to Spiti, can only come back with gratitude to have witnessed it. And, had my grandad passed away few months before he did, both me and my mom wouldn’t have made it to the last rites. We were both separately trekking in areas with 0 connectivity. Had he passed away 2 days ago even, we wouldn’t have been able to celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary – something I know we will cherish in the long run. I was well aware my passport was expiring and I just got lazy, getting it renewed. A mistake I will never do again. I would rather miss a work trip than a job interview to learn this lesson. Had my flat mate not left, I would have never lived alone – something I’ve been wanting to do since a long time but couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Sometimes we are so focused on what we don’t have that we don’t make any mind space to what we have. Neither is this about toxic positivity, nor does it make the pain less. It is simply about valuing what you have even more and moving forward, because life is unpredictable.
And, this is my most important realization of the year. Progress over perfection.
Going with the flow is harder than we think. Sometimes when everything seems haywire and nothing makes sense, all you can do is take one step forward. Just like what Ross tells Chandler on his wedding day. (No, am not encouraging running away on your wedding day). Get up. Take a shower. Wear the tuxedo. One step at a time. Be okay with figuring few things on the way .
I guess what am saying is answers don’t necessarily come to us in the manner we expect. No fortune cookie will tell you when you will find the dream job, or the dream partner (how we wish, though!) or take that leap of faith to leave your toxic relationship or make peace with your body or the right time to better your relation with your parents!
Answers, they come in the form of lessons and wisdom extracted from experiences. They are sent to us in the patterns we must outgrow, habits we need to adapt, things and people we need to let go (and let in) and hard, very hard questions we need to ask of our self and sometimes, people we love. They come in the form of actions we take to get out of survival mode and thrive. Answers are in our daily life, but we just don’t see hard enough.
It’s only when we zoom out and start looking at these things, that we truly can understand what universe is trying to tell us.
I hope the coming year shows you exactly what you need, even more than what you desire. I wish you courage, irrespective of whether it’s a year of questions or answers for you.
Courage to ask the right questions, and courage to face all the answers.
I wish you a successful and blissful year, but more importantly , I wish you a courageous 2023. May you find you :’)
Weekly Recommendation:
Found this very short, crisp video on the act of letting go. If any of you is looking to let go of anything this year, watch this. No unnecessary lectures, or promise of a magical pill, just a 2 min long interesting outlook on what letting go truly means. Of course, practicing it is a different ball game altogether. Sigh
Happy 2023 folks ! I hope you find everything you are looking for and you let go everything that weighs you down.
As always, write back :)
Stay grateful, Stay blessed Sumedha
I love your writing as it’s engaging and relatable 🤟
This is great writing and greater lessons.
Keep it up!